[She glances up when she hears him, grateful that he tries not to startle her.] Haven't gone inside yet.
[She smiles at him, looks away after a moment, not letting herself watch too long. It's still a little strange to be alone together. It's bittersweet being here together at all -- for all that her emotions still haven't settled since their last encounter when he was younger, that they never have at all if she's honest, it's good to see him. To have fun together. She feels so much lighter than usual, just having been with these people for the last couple of days.]
I thought I'd get the fire started. [She waves the crumpled paper ball she's holding like it's illustrative, still building it up.]
Good plan, I can already feel the chill creeping in.
[But he also always borders on just a bit too cold, probably a mental thing, residual effects of more than a few nights without heat growing up and all the times spent sleeping on a park bench, with only his jacket to warm him.
It’s hard to be too concerned about all that right now though, not when he’s had such a good day, and they still have more ahead of them.]
Sure. You want to add some more wood up top while I get the kindling under?
[This isn't exactly her expertise, it's not perfect, but it should probably catch, at least. She waves towards the pile of split logs before going back to the notebook in her hands, ripping off another page to crumple up.]
Been enjoying the woods? [She's a little curious why he's wandered off alone, clearly, but it's not like he's not allowed some time to himself, if he wants it.]
On it. [He gives an affirmative, following her gesture over to the wood pile and moving to grab a few logs.]
Yeah, figured I’d take advantage of the change in scenery and take a walk. It’s nicer to look up and see nothing but trees than it is to look up and see skyscrapers.
[Though the city is where he’s always called home, something about nature calms him. If he had a choice, he’d rather live somewhere out here than in an apartment, surrounded by other people.
He walks back with his logs, setting them down by her before moving to grab a few more.] Been enjoying the lake?
Is it that obvious? [She's joking, tugging at the hem of her wet cover-up as she laughs.] Yeah, it's been really nice. I haven't been swimming in a while. Feels like I've always got other stuff to do.
[Even now if you really asked her to, she could probably spout off a list of things she should have stayed to take care of. But god, she'd rather be here.]
[It feels a little ridiculous to say since he has no job and barely any responsibilities, but it’s surprisingly time consuming to constantly try to get caught up in where he’s at, he doesn’t get a lot of time to himself to just do as he pleases.
He’s moving back towards the fireplace again when he suddenly stops short, the log falling from his hand with a quick, slightly panicked,] Imogene. [Before he’s leaving, another version of himself switching in.
No matter how many times it happens, he never quite gets used to it, the feeling of being safely on the ground before someone rips the floor out from under his feet, his fingers tingling, stars bursting before his eyes as everything spins in front of him before righting itself again.
All in all, it usually only takes a few seconds, from the outside it probably looks like he got distracted, eyes staring off unfocused for a moment before clearing again. When the new version settles, he startles, jumping back and looking around quickly, anxious and surprised to be some place he doesn’t recognize.] What’s going on, where am I?
[The accent’s stronger, his posture slouching, limbs a little looser, all obvious giveaways that this version is much earlier than the one he’d just been.]
[It's familiar at this point, something she's seen over and over, but she can never help the way her heart jumps into her throat at first. It's the panic in his voice, the way he suddenly seems to go elsewhere -- it's not like there's something to really worry about, but somehow it still feels like something could go wrong, someday. Or maybe she's just paranoid; she didn't use to worry nearly as much, years back.
She lets out a breath when he moves again, relieved, setting down what's in her hands to take a couple of steps closer, one hand reached out to him.]
Hey, Sash-- [Her voice is soothing, just trying to calm him down. The good thing is he almost always knows her; she can usually offer him an anchor.] It's just a vacation, that's all. But you're with us.
Genie? [To his credit, he settles almost immediately when he realizes who he’s with. The anxiety being replaced with excitement as he realizes he’s back to where he’s been trying to go.
He takes her hand as soon as he finds it. Pulling her in the rest of the way to hug her.] Gene. Hi. [He nuzzles his face into her hair, keeping her tight to him in a way that is clearly more than friendly, not even caring that he’s getting soaking wet in the process.
When he finally pulls back enough to look at her, he still has a smile on his face. He breaks the eye contact for just a moment to survey the surroundings but doesn’t take his eyes off her for long, like he can’t make up his mind whether he wants to look at her or where they are. Finally he asks,] We take vacations now?
[Fuck. She's pretty sure she should already be putting a foot down, putting space between them, but it's hard not to lean into him. It's just a hug, she tells herself, wrapping a loose arm around him, closing her eyes just for a moment, breathing him in as quietly as she can.
She laughs a little at the question, finally bracing herself enough to pull away, shrugging.] We're taking this one, anyway. Pretty sure Dagny did most of the planning.
[She leans down to scoop up the wood he'd dropped, starting back towards the fire once she has it in hand.]
I’m surprised you let him do that. [He teases back, knowing that she likes to have control over situations most of the time, not putting together that it is only because it’s a vacation for her. He’s also not expecting her to pull away so quickly, going as far as to walk away from him.
He stares after her for a moment, a little bit of the anxiety creeping back in, feeling suddenly off kilter, like he’s missing something important. ]
Has it not been a good trip? [His voice conveys a small amount of the stress he’s feeling, though he doesn’t think anyone would notice it but her, he always tries to mask his emotions when he feels they are out of control, keeping his tone level, remaining calm, at least on the outside.]
[The way he sounds makes her heart clench, guilt settling in immediately. She glances over at him after a moment, offers a little smile. Trying to sound reassuring.] Actually, it's been... really good. Kinda nice to get away for a while.
[A moment's hesitation, and then she adds, gesturing at the firepit:] It'll be even better if I can get this thing going, it's getting kinda cold. [She's just making it worse on herself by giving him excuses instead of pointing out upfront that they need to be careful, but she knows how unhappy he's going to be, and she's dreading having to say it. She has to, though. She's not about to screw things up for him.]
[He gives her a small smile in return when she smiles at him, but he can tell it’s not normal, there’s a tightness to it, likes she’s trying to hold back. It doesn’t seem likes she’s obviously upset with him though, so he moves forward, taking a gamble and reaching out for her again.]
Yeah, well, you’re soaking wet. [Said like it should be obvious that she’s cold, he puts a hand on her side.] If you come closer, I could help warm you, I’ve got some body heat to spare.
[He’s laying it on kind of thick, still a touch of hesitation in his tone, but trying to move past it, trying to get her to loosen up with him. He’s not sure what changed, it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed since he saw her last.]
[It's unfortunately clear how badly she just wants to go to him, swaying into the touch without even thinking about it before she shakes her head. She takes his hand in hers instead, taking a couple of steps back, glancing away from him.]
What —- [He just stops himself from asking more, from whining, doesn’t want to come off as desperate, or clingy, can tell that he already isn’t able to control his voice the way he should, too much emotion bleeding through. He takes a step back, staring at the ground.
The last thing he remembers is her telling him that she would always want him, that as long as he found her, they could be together, they could have this. He doesn’t understand what changed.]
Whatever you want, Genie. [And despite the way he hurts his soul to say it, he’s not going to push her, would never want to make her uncomfortable, even if it means breaking his own heart in the process.]
[It should be a relief that he just accepts it, that she doesn't have to say anything else. It doesn't really help that much. It still aches just to let go of him, and she wraps her arms around herself as she shuffles back a little more.]
Okay. [Her voice is soft, carefully even. Not letting herself sound as upset as she feels. She pauses, turns away abruptly after a few moments, not sure what else to say, so she just tries to fall back into old habits, running him through what's going on.] I'm -- going to finish this up. Isaac and Dagny are inside. There's food and drinks, and I think there's supposed to be dinner at some point soon. Um, and you can sit down, if you want to hang out here.
[She's not sure if he'd rather have the space. She's not sure if she'd rather have the space, at this point. It's hard just to look at him without feeling guilty. But she felt guilty last time, too, once he'd told her, so -- there's really no way to avoid that.]
[He nods without looking at her, doesn’t think he could bare it, his hands already itching to touch her again, if he saw her he thinks the temptation would be too hard to resist. ]
Is your soulmate here too?
[It comes out quietly, it’s the only thing he can think to have changed. Maybe she’s with someone else, though he didn’t think they cared about stuff like that. He supposes he can’t blame her. It must be nice to have someone who is there consistently, who doesn’t disappear or get lost in time. He should be happy for her, instead all he feels is numb.]
No. [She glances briefly down at her mark, unusually out in the open at the moment. If she's honest, she's not even sure she wants to meet them anymore.] It's still just me.
[Another pause. She has her back to him when she goes on:] And yours didn't come. Just the four of us.
[But she's very clearly been filled in at some point that they met, from the way she says it.]
[He cringes slightly but doesn’t back down. He doesn’t belong to anyone, he’s his own person, no matter whose name is written on his skin.]
Is that —- are you upset about her? I don’t care. I’ve never cared about her. It’s just a stupid name.
[A name that he wishes never existed. She wasn’t the one who helped him survive when he was cold and hungry and needed somewhere to stay. And she wasn’t the one who he sat with when their best friend was missing, crying and holding each other until they fell asleep. She’s nothing to him, a nobody, he’d get the stupid mark removed if he could.]
What does that mean? Mess what up? A relationship I’m supposed to care about because some random bullshit destiny?
[He’s trying not to get angry, he usually doesn’t get angry, but he’s so tired of this, of some devine intervention messing with his life. He spent the last few years cold and hungry and dying just because a different version of himself said so. Only to come back to this? No. He won’t fucking let that happen.]
Why should I care about the future? All I have is right now and right now, I want to be with you.
[He looks away, feeling stupid and small and weak when his throat gets tight, the fight leaving him just as quickly as it came, his shoulders drooping. He takes a breath before facing her again, thinking fuck it, he may as well lay it all on the line. This is the only thing he has to lose, and it might already be too late for that. ] Imogene…I’m in love with you. I —- I can’t lose you again.
[It's not what he means and she knows it. But she doesn't know what else to say. Just because he doesn't care about the consequences doesn't mean they don't exist. She looks down at the ground, trying to hide the way she's choked up, her voice tighter than she wants it to be.]
Why not? People have lots of relationships. I’m not married, I’m pretty sure we aren’t even dating. [He truly has no way of knowing that, his phone isn’t in his pocket but he doesn’t really care either way. ]
She’s a stranger, Gene. Just cause I met her doesn’t mean that my life is over, or that this doesn’t matter anymore.
[It’s not fair and he wants to say as much but that feels too childish. It already feels like he’s losing this argument, he doesn’t want to embarrass himself as well.]
You're not dating yet. [A quiet correction. And even that she's not so sure about. She and Sasha don't talk about it, and she's been avoiding Lyn's messages, claiming work is keeping her busy.
There's always been a time limit. She knew the first time an older version of Sasha came around and kept his distance that it was clearly going to end eventually, and she told herself she was okay with that. It's a lot easier to accept when it's theoretical than when he's right in front of her, and he still wants her.]
I never said it didn't matter. But it also matters that the other versions of you don't hate me.
[The more they talk about this, the more the argument just doesn’t make any sense to him. Plenty of people date before they get with their soulmates, why should it be different for them?
He full on rolls his eyes at her second statement, giving her a look.] I might act different when I’m older but I’m still me, and there is not a single version of me that could ever hate you.
[Sensing that he’s gained some footing here, and is hopefully getting through to her, he tries his luck in stepping closer to her again.] I promised you that as long as you still wanted me, I’d be here. So tell me you don’t want me and I’ll back off, but I’m not breaking my promise, Genie. I love you too much for that.
[She doesn't feel nearly as sure about that as he sounds, and it shows. Not when he has something to lose. It's just being selfish to risk that for him. If she's the reason he screws things up with the person he actually wants to be with -- she wouldn't be able to blame him if he just stopped talking to her again and disappeared.
It's just really hard to turn away from him.]
You know that's not it. [She always wants him. It doesn't matter how old she gets, it doesn't matter where he's coming from -- that hasn't changed yet.]
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[She smiles at him, looks away after a moment, not letting herself watch too long. It's still a little strange to be alone together. It's bittersweet being here together at all -- for all that her emotions still haven't settled since their last encounter when he was younger, that they never have at all if she's honest, it's good to see him. To have fun together. She feels so much lighter than usual, just having been with these people for the last couple of days.]
I thought I'd get the fire started. [She waves the crumpled paper ball she's holding like it's illustrative, still building it up.]
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[But he also always borders on just a bit too cold, probably a mental thing, residual effects of more than a few nights without heat growing up and all the times spent sleeping on a park bench, with only his jacket to warm him.
It’s hard to be too concerned about all that right now though, not when he’s had such a good day, and they still have more ahead of them.]
Need a hand?
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[This isn't exactly her expertise, it's not perfect, but it should probably catch, at least. She waves towards the pile of split logs before going back to the notebook in her hands, ripping off another page to crumple up.]
Been enjoying the woods? [She's a little curious why he's wandered off alone, clearly, but it's not like he's not allowed some time to himself, if he wants it.]
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Yeah, figured I’d take advantage of the change in scenery and take a walk. It’s nicer to look up and see nothing but trees than it is to look up and see skyscrapers.
[Though the city is where he’s always called home, something about nature calms him. If he had a choice, he’d rather live somewhere out here than in an apartment, surrounded by other people.
He walks back with his logs, setting them down by her before moving to grab a few more.] Been enjoying the lake?
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[Even now if you really asked her to, she could probably spout off a list of things she should have stayed to take care of. But god, she'd rather be here.]
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[It feels a little ridiculous to say since he has no job and barely any responsibilities, but it’s surprisingly time consuming to constantly try to get caught up in where he’s at, he doesn’t get a lot of time to himself to just do as he pleases.
He’s moving back towards the fireplace again when he suddenly stops short, the log falling from his hand with a quick, slightly panicked,] Imogene. [Before he’s leaving, another version of himself switching in.
No matter how many times it happens, he never quite gets used to it, the feeling of being safely on the ground before someone rips the floor out from under his feet, his fingers tingling, stars bursting before his eyes as everything spins in front of him before righting itself again.
All in all, it usually only takes a few seconds, from the outside it probably looks like he got distracted, eyes staring off unfocused for a moment before clearing again. When the new version settles, he startles, jumping back and looking around quickly, anxious and surprised to be some place he doesn’t recognize.] What’s going on, where am I?
[The accent’s stronger, his posture slouching, limbs a little looser, all obvious giveaways that this version is much earlier than the one he’d just been.]
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She lets out a breath when he moves again, relieved, setting down what's in her hands to take a couple of steps closer, one hand reached out to him.]
Hey, Sash-- [Her voice is soothing, just trying to calm him down. The good thing is he almost always knows her; she can usually offer him an anchor.] It's just a vacation, that's all. But you're with us.
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He takes her hand as soon as he finds it. Pulling her in the rest of the way to hug her.] Gene. Hi. [He nuzzles his face into her hair, keeping her tight to him in a way that is clearly more than friendly, not even caring that he’s getting soaking wet in the process.
When he finally pulls back enough to look at her, he still has a smile on his face. He breaks the eye contact for just a moment to survey the surroundings but doesn’t take his eyes off her for long, like he can’t make up his mind whether he wants to look at her or where they are. Finally he asks,] We take vacations now?
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She laughs a little at the question, finally bracing herself enough to pull away, shrugging.] We're taking this one, anyway. Pretty sure Dagny did most of the planning.
[She leans down to scoop up the wood he'd dropped, starting back towards the fire once she has it in hand.]
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He stares after her for a moment, a little bit of the anxiety creeping back in, feeling suddenly off kilter, like he’s missing something important. ]
Has it not been a good trip? [His voice conveys a small amount of the stress he’s feeling, though he doesn’t think anyone would notice it but her, he always tries to mask his emotions when he feels they are out of control, keeping his tone level, remaining calm, at least on the outside.]
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[A moment's hesitation, and then she adds, gesturing at the firepit:] It'll be even better if I can get this thing going, it's getting kinda cold. [She's just making it worse on herself by giving him excuses instead of pointing out upfront that they need to be careful, but she knows how unhappy he's going to be, and she's dreading having to say it. She has to, though. She's not about to screw things up for him.]
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Yeah, well, you’re soaking wet. [Said like it should be obvious that she’s cold, he puts a hand on her side.] If you come closer, I could help warm you, I’ve got some body heat to spare.
[He’s laying it on kind of thick, still a touch of hesitation in his tone, but trying to move past it, trying to get her to loosen up with him. He’s not sure what changed, it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed since he saw her last.]
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I don't think that's a good idea.
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The last thing he remembers is her telling him that she would always want him, that as long as he found her, they could be together, they could have this. He doesn’t understand what changed.]
Whatever you want, Genie. [And despite the way he hurts his soul to say it, he’s not going to push her, would never want to make her uncomfortable, even if it means breaking his own heart in the process.]
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Okay. [Her voice is soft, carefully even. Not letting herself sound as upset as she feels. She pauses, turns away abruptly after a few moments, not sure what else to say, so she just tries to fall back into old habits, running him through what's going on.] I'm -- going to finish this up. Isaac and Dagny are inside. There's food and drinks, and I think there's supposed to be dinner at some point soon. Um, and you can sit down, if you want to hang out here.
[She's not sure if he'd rather have the space. She's not sure if she'd rather have the space, at this point. It's hard just to look at him without feeling guilty. But she felt guilty last time, too, once he'd told her, so -- there's really no way to avoid that.]
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Is your soulmate here too?
[It comes out quietly, it’s the only thing he can think to have changed. Maybe she’s with someone else, though he didn’t think they cared about stuff like that. He supposes he can’t blame her. It must be nice to have someone who is there consistently, who doesn’t disappear or get lost in time. He should be happy for her, instead all he feels is numb.]
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[Another pause. She has her back to him when she goes on:] And yours didn't come. Just the four of us.
[But she's very clearly been filled in at some point that they met, from the way she says it.]
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Is that —- are you upset about her? I don’t care. I’ve never cared about her. It’s just a stupid name.
[A name that he wishes never existed. She wasn’t the one who helped him survive when he was cold and hungry and needed somewhere to stay. And she wasn’t the one who he sat with when their best friend was missing, crying and holding each other until they fell asleep. She’s nothing to him, a nobody, he’d get the stupid mark removed if he could.]
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[Not like that, anyway. She wants him to be happy. She wants things to work out. She just wishes that didn't mean letting go.]
But just because you don't care now, doesn't mean you won't care later. And I'm -- I don't want to mess that up for you.
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[He’s trying not to get angry, he usually doesn’t get angry, but he’s so tired of this, of some devine intervention messing with his life. He spent the last few years cold and hungry and dying just because a different version of himself said so. Only to come back to this? No. He won’t fucking let that happen.]
Why should I care about the future? All I have is right now and right now, I want to be with you.
[He looks away, feeling stupid and small and weak when his throat gets tight, the fight leaving him just as quickly as it came, his shoulders drooping. He takes a breath before facing her again, thinking fuck it, he may as well lay it all on the line. This is the only thing he has to lose, and it might already be too late for that. ] Imogene…I’m in love with you. I —- I can’t lose you again.
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[It's not what he means and she knows it. But she doesn't know what else to say. Just because he doesn't care about the consequences doesn't mean they don't exist. She looks down at the ground, trying to hide the way she's choked up, her voice tighter than she wants it to be.]
But it's -- it's not that easy.
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She’s a stranger, Gene. Just cause I met her doesn’t mean that my life is over, or that this doesn’t matter anymore.
[It’s not fair and he wants to say as much but that feels too childish. It already feels like he’s losing this argument, he doesn’t want to embarrass himself as well.]
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There's always been a time limit. She knew the first time an older version of Sasha came around and kept his distance that it was clearly going to end eventually, and she told herself she was okay with that. It's a lot easier to accept when it's theoretical than when he's right in front of her, and he still wants her.]
I never said it didn't matter. But it also matters that the other versions of you don't hate me.
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[The more they talk about this, the more the argument just doesn’t make any sense to him. Plenty of people date before they get with their soulmates, why should it be different for them?
He full on rolls his eyes at her second statement, giving her a look.] I might act different when I’m older but I’m still me, and there is not a single version of me that could ever hate you.
[Sensing that he’s gained some footing here, and is hopefully getting through to her, he tries his luck in stepping closer to her again.] I promised you that as long as you still wanted me, I’d be here. So tell me you don’t want me and I’ll back off, but I’m not breaking my promise, Genie. I love you too much for that.
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It's just really hard to turn away from him.]
You know that's not it. [She always wants him. It doesn't matter how old she gets, it doesn't matter where he's coming from -- that hasn't changed yet.]
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