unpavemypaths | open post

No, I should've -- I should've stopped it. I should've known.

[Eventually he will let rational thought take over again, but right now he's still too distraught for that. Still to close to it all, replaying it over and over in his mind as if he could change the course and make something different happen.]

I'm supposed to protect him. Why wouldn't he let me protect him? [The tears do come after that. The rest of his anxiety and sadness coming out with them, not longer feeling like he has to hold back his emotions for Isaac, he lets himself feel the full weight of it all.

After a minute or so of just crying, his breathing levels out slightly,] Sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry. He's your brother. You should be the one crying. [His voice still has a slight waver to it, his breathing hitched but he seems more composed. Just emotionally exhausted now that he's expended the last of his energy on that.]

[There's not much she can do from here, and she's not about to tell him not to cry it out -- it's a lot healthier to just let it out anyway. So she's quiet for the most part, occasionally murmuring soft little comforting things, giving him the space to get it out until he's breathing better and starts talking to her again.]

He's your husband. I think we're both allowed to be pretty messed up right now. [Because she's not about to pretend she's not upset about all this. That just doesn't mean Dagny doesn't get to have emotions too.] Anyway, I think I've cried all I can manage for one day. I'm just -- glad it's not worse.

Yeah, me too. [He agrees with the last part anyway, happy that Isaac is going to be alright, even if it's going to be a really long recovery process. He's unbelievably happy Isaac will be able to walk again, can't imagine how awful it would be for him if he lost that ability.]

The -- the pain meds even started working for him, it just takes a bit more than normal to get him feeling good. I'll make sure he gets enough to stay comfortable. [Both of them knowing that Isaac is likely to be stubborn about that once he's a bit more aware. Dagny doubts Isaac will like the feeling of being high very much. Drunk is one thing, but pain medication is completely different.]

Okay. That's good. [She takes a deep breath, a little bit relieved. Dealing with it at all is bad enough, dealing without pain medication is a lot worse.] Thank you. For taking care of him, and for letting me know. [Her voice wobbles a little, tearing up a little bit again despite what she'd said before.]

You don’t have to thank me, I’m just…I wouldn’t be anywhere else. [Guilt still swirls in his gut, making him feel sick. This is the least he can do after everything. He wouldn’t want it any other way.]

I hate this. [He admits quietly.] He didn’t deserve this. He’s so good. And so beautiful. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. [Not after everything he’s been through and everything he’s overcome. He knows Isaac is strong, but god, he wishes he didn’t have to show his strength quite so much. He deserves a lifetime of happiness after the life he’s already had, not more painful bullshit.]

I know you wouldn't. But I'm really glad you can be there if I can't. [Not that she'd be stopping Dagny if she was there. They're important to each other, she's not going to get in the way of that. But having someone she trusts with her brother there is about the only reason she doesn't feel the need to hop on a plane right this second, and fuck what disappearing like that might do to her life.]

I know. [She's not sure if Dagny realizes he also wouldn't deserve to deal with it, but it doesn't seem like a good moment to go prodding into his psyche. Too much going on right now.] Me too. But he can handle it. It'll be okay. It has to be.

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