unpavemypaths | open post

[By the time he gets a chance to call, she’s already been informed of what’s been going on. The moment Isaac went into surgery he called her to briefly explain, not being able to do much aside from telling her the basics and letting her know he’d keep her updated. And they’ve had a steady stream of texts since then, generic updates, nothing really specific, just the facts. When he got out of surgery, when he woke up, when he fell back asleep.

Dagny still hasn’t left the room, he’s sitting by Isaac’s bedside, making sure he’s really asleep, the nurse finally had to come in and give him a sedative when the pain medication wasn’t doing enough to drag him under. He’ll need his rest to recover, they said, and Dagny wanted to tell them “good luck, he barely gets more than a few hours a week, let alone a night” but it does seem like the sedation is doing it’s job.

He’s exhausted, he’s still frustrated and upset, and scared and covered in Isaac’s blood and he doesn’t really know how to fix any of that when the one person he wants to talk to is basically passed out, with a bullet hole in his hip. So he calls the next best person —

The line has barely picked up before Dagny is already pleading with her, feeling like a complete asshole after he promised he would do the exact opposite of the very thing that happened tonight.]

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I told you I’d keep him safe. I didn’t — fuck, I didn’t know he would do that. I’m so sorry. [He’s not crying, still doesn’t have the tears for it, but he sounds like he might be hyperventilating, everything hitting him like a truck as soon as Imogene picks up the call.]

[Imogene's been a wreck ever since the first call, calling out from work even though there's nothing she can do from here, because she doesn't think she can focus on anything else right now. At least Dagny's there and kept her updated, because if she had to wait until Isaac was coherent enough to tell her himself, she thinks she'd be climbing the walls right now. She doesn't think she even sat down until she got word he got out of surgery alright. Every update is a relief, read and replied to immediately.

She's still keeping a close eye on her phone even though she's not really expecting anything new for a while. There probably won't be any changes for a bit. She keeps telling herself that, that no change is probably better news right now. So her heart's in her throat when Dagny's number flashes up on the screen, and she barely gives it one full ring before she answers.

For a moment she's absolutely terrified, convinced the worst has happened, so it's a guilty relief when she realizes he's not telling her anything new. Just freaking out, and she can't really blame him for that when she's feeling the same way.]

Shh, shh, hey. [Soothing. Her voice is a little rough from crying on and off and she's not trying to hide that, but the comfort sounds genuine despite that.] I don't think anyone would've expected that. It's okay.

No, I should've -- I should've stopped it. I should've known.

[Eventually he will let rational thought take over again, but right now he's still too distraught for that. Still to close to it all, replaying it over and over in his mind as if he could change the course and make something different happen.]

I'm supposed to protect him. Why wouldn't he let me protect him? [The tears do come after that. The rest of his anxiety and sadness coming out with them, not longer feeling like he has to hold back his emotions for Isaac, he lets himself feel the full weight of it all.

After a minute or so of just crying, his breathing levels out slightly,] Sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry. He's your brother. You should be the one crying. [His voice still has a slight waver to it, his breathing hitched but he seems more composed. Just emotionally exhausted now that he's expended the last of his energy on that.]

[There's not much she can do from here, and she's not about to tell him not to cry it out -- it's a lot healthier to just let it out anyway. So she's quiet for the most part, occasionally murmuring soft little comforting things, giving him the space to get it out until he's breathing better and starts talking to her again.]

He's your husband. I think we're both allowed to be pretty messed up right now. [Because she's not about to pretend she's not upset about all this. That just doesn't mean Dagny doesn't get to have emotions too.] Anyway, I think I've cried all I can manage for one day. I'm just -- glad it's not worse.

Yeah, me too. [He agrees with the last part anyway, happy that Isaac is going to be alright, even if it's going to be a really long recovery process. He's unbelievably happy Isaac will be able to walk again, can't imagine how awful it would be for him if he lost that ability.]

The -- the pain meds even started working for him, it just takes a bit more than normal to get him feeling good. I'll make sure he gets enough to stay comfortable. [Both of them knowing that Isaac is likely to be stubborn about that once he's a bit more aware. Dagny doubts Isaac will like the feeling of being high very much. Drunk is one thing, but pain medication is completely different.]

Okay. That's good. [She takes a deep breath, a little bit relieved. Dealing with it at all is bad enough, dealing without pain medication is a lot worse.] Thank you. For taking care of him, and for letting me know. [Her voice wobbles a little, tearing up a little bit again despite what she'd said before.]

You don’t have to thank me, I’m just…I wouldn’t be anywhere else. [Guilt still swirls in his gut, making him feel sick. This is the least he can do after everything. He wouldn’t want it any other way.]

I hate this. [He admits quietly.] He didn’t deserve this. He’s so good. And so beautiful. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. [Not after everything he’s been through and everything he’s overcome. He knows Isaac is strong, but god, he wishes he didn’t have to show his strength quite so much. He deserves a lifetime of happiness after the life he’s already had, not more painful bullshit.]

I know you wouldn't. But I'm really glad you can be there if I can't. [Not that she'd be stopping Dagny if she was there. They're important to each other, she's not going to get in the way of that. But having someone she trusts with her brother there is about the only reason she doesn't feel the need to hop on a plane right this second, and fuck what disappearing like that might do to her life.]

I know. [She's not sure if Dagny realizes he also wouldn't deserve to deal with it, but it doesn't seem like a good moment to go prodding into his psyche. Too much going on right now.] Me too. But he can handle it. It'll be okay. It has to be.

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